So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
