put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
