I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
