hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
