Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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