I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
