The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
