I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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