Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize