as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
