i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's always time for handjobs
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
