and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The air taste purple.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
