girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
