Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
