just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
