new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Naked Twister starts at high noon
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
