Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
