so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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