Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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