I'm really into asian looking animals
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
