I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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