friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
