you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
