I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
