i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
