So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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