How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize