kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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