I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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