And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
