ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize