she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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