The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
