Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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