so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
