we have officially lost it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
