i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
