i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
