Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
