$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
