remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Randomize
