you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
