Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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