i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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