he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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