your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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