the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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