When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
