somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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