I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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