You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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