Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
