Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
