what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
