forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my sisters under your porch take her home
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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