I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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