I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
