I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
