I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
