found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
