I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
