Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he puts the penis in happiness.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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