i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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