They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
