when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
