i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
