Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Ketchup is God's man juice
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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