cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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