do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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