I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
