I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
