Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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