Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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