My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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