Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
