Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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