I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize