I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
