I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
