I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
